im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
