He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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