First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize