Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
