Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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