dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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