And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
