why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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