so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize