we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wish there were birth control emojis
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
