Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
