ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
