Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize