life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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