Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
