dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
