Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
