I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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