YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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