this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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