Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You smell like stripper and shame
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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