I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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