you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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