he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
