New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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