I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
