The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
