I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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