I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
