The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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