Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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