Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
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