just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
