just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
