I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
