He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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