Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
