This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
