I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
