my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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