Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
