never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
