I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
