I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
