the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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