1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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