Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
