Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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