my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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