I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
