Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This baby is an asshole
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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