I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
4 words: hood of his car
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
