Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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