What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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