i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
