A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
