so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
