That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
