Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
