oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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