i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
