i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
