i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
