is your mom at the bar?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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