Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
whose parrot is this?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
