HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
