Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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