What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
