I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
wanna go halves on a baby?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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