What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
