Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
