So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
