It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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