You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He has the fingertips of a God
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