no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
