Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
don't judge my taste in strippers
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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